I surrender

I've run 61+ miles this month so far. That's more in 10 days than I ran the whole month of December. I'm super stoked about that. What I'm struggling with is how much slower I have to be to keep my heart in the right zone for my easy runs.

Today I had to run on the treadmill due to our crazy sport schedule, and I prefer treadmill workouts to be fast so I can get off the darn thing. Today, though, I kept having to walk because my heart rate kept shooting above the zone I wanted. I was struggling and frustrated with my body not doing things the way I wanted, not being efficient enough for the speed I needed for the time I wanted to spend. Then one of my new favorite songs came on my iPod, Multiplied by Needtobreathe. "God of mercy, sweet love of mine. I have surrendered to your design." My mind wandered to the design of my body, my mind, my schedule, and I found myself actually saying out loud, "I surrender."

I lowered the speed below (yes, I said below) the 12:00 minute mile pace I only allow myself when I'm out on a run with good conversation. I took some deep breaths, stopped counting my cadence and settled into a nice rythm. Soon my heart slowed, and I was singing along without a struggle. I was even able to bump the pace back up toward the end of my run allowing my ego a little less bruising, and I finished feeling like I could have done a few more miles if I had more time. That's not normal for a treadmill run for me.

It's amazing what we can do when we quit fighting ourselves, when we quit fighting all the unchangeables in our lives, when we accept our bodies and our limitations as they are. So much energy spent creating stress that will only spend more energy.

Some days are just gonna have to be slower. If I'm gonna meet this 2,015 in 2015 goal, I'm gonna have to allow for more of these kinds of runs. I have to surrender the idea that I have to be faster so I can reach the goal of going longer without injury setbacks. A work in progress for sure, but today I officially surrender, even if it means I have to walk.

As my five year old would say, "Let it go."

*Sigh*

I surrender.